Something's Cooking
by envysparkler
Summary: Naruto, as usual, has a plan to get Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura confess their - according to him - undying love for each other. The others are forced to go along with his idiotic plan. But what happens when they hear a...um...rather unusual conversation between the human ice cube and the hot-tempered pinkette? Something's cooking between the two of them...


NaCl: I was in the mood for a one-shot…

Lil bro: When are you ever in the mood to study?

NaCl: Urusai, you're not my mom, baka…

Sakura: (irritated) Just get on with it!

Sasuke: Hn…

Naruto: YEAH! ANOTHER STORY STARRING ME!

NaCl: Who wants to break the bad news…?

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would either end up with Sakura, or me…preferably that latter…there's just something about the handsome, cold, arrogant, I-don't-give-a-fuck people that is totally irresistible…

Sasuke: Hn…

Ino: WELCOME TO THE CLUB!

* * *

><p><strong>Something's Cooking<strong>

The day started off strange.

Naruto, like every other day, had an idea. An idea for what? To catch Sasuke and Sakura together, so that he would finally have _proof_ that Sasuke loved Sakura.

Admittedly, garnering an emotion like _love_, from the apathetic Uchiha was quite difficult. Even more so when Sakura claimed to have gotten over her crush on him.

_But eighteen-year-old Uzumaki Naruto never gave up! That's why he was going to become Hokage one day!_

No, you see, what the strange part was, was that the rest of the boys actually _agreed_ to go along with his plan.

Well, except Neji, who said he had some Hyuuga Head festival to organize. _Yeah, right._ When Naruto had asked what festival, Neji just gave him a death glare and stalked off. _Who could understand cold stone-like people anyway?_

Oh, speaking of which, after Naruto proved that the Uchiha had a feeling other than revenge and anger and hate and all those negative things; his next aim was to get Neji to confess to Tenten. _Which he was also bound to fail in._

But as this was Uzumaki Naruto, none of his friends bothered to dissuade him, instead, silently complying with his plan. Except Shikamaru who complained throughout, Chouji, who couldn't stop eating chips, Lee, who was yelling something about the fragrance of youth and Kiba who was whining about how Naruto should have taken a shower. Okay, the only two silent ones were Sai and Shino. _Figures._

Finally Naruto arrived at his destination, and held a finger to his lips, warning everyone else to shut the hell up. All other six boys rolled their eyes at the irony of _Naruto_ asking someone else to be quiet. Nevertheless, they realized the only way to save them from the torture of being dragged out of their warm comfy, king-size beds bought with their Jounin mission money, and that too in the early morning, was to listen to him.

"Naruto, you're so troublesome, why did you have to wake us up so early?" Shikamaru started off, staring at the house that they were now standing in front of.

"Early? It's ten in the morning, Sleeping Beauty!" Naruto grinned, "And I called you because I have a plan…"

"Again…" Chouji groaned, "I swear, its always a plan to get Uchiha and Haruno together…"

Naruto's face fell at the obvious guess, but then he brightened up, "But guess what?" He stared at the rest of them as if waiting for an answer.

Kiba wrinkled his nose, "Well, tell us, we're not getting any younger standing here, and you're getting even more smellier."

Naruto shot a glare at the dog-boy and continued, "Well, an hour ago, I saw teme come to Sakura's house! This is a perfect opportunity!"

Sai yawned, "Naruto, how many failures does it take to get you to believe that Sasuke-san and ugly won't get together?"

"Ne, Sai, but this time I'm sure it'll work!"

With deep sighs, all six boys followed Naruto's idea and pressed their ears against the wall in hope of hearing something.

_They all knew that they were going to regret doing this._

But then the conversation started.

"Ne, Sasuke-kun, finally ready?"

"Hn."

"What about…?"

"I'm _ready_, Sakura, what about you?"

"_Puh-leese_. I've been planning for this day for almost six months."

"…I'll take that as a yes…"

Outside, Naruto raised his eyebrows suggestively as he heard them talk. As if on cue, all the other teens sent glares at Naruto, all of them meaning _'That's not what they're talking about, you perverted ninja!'._

"Wait, Sasuke-kun, you're not going to wear anything?"

Instantly, all the boys froze. They-they couldn't believe this…after all those failed stalking missions…they decided to continue listening so that they wouldn't go wrong…

"I can do whatever I want…"

"Fine then, but don't come crying to me when you're all dirty."

"Hn."

"Okay then let's start."

"Hn."

"SASUKE-KUN! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT!"

"How would you know?"

"I, for your information, am a _girl_, in case you haven't noticed. You, are a _boy_."

"…Your point?"

"…I can't understand why anyone would want to be in my place…Ino was practically begging me…"

"I'm irresistible to you."

"Hn."

"Now who's not talking?"

"Shut up, Sasuke-kun."

"What are you doing?"

"It's the right way Sasuke-kun."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"How would you know?"

"Cuz…"

"Then you do it better!"

"Hn."

"Ahhh, Sasuke-kun that's sooo good."

"Told ya so."

"Where did you learn how to do this?"

"My mom and dad used to do this."

"Wait, Sasuke-kun, that's my- Ahh, stop it Sasuke-kun…"

"Not until you shut up."

"Ahh…when in the world did you learn how to do that with your hands?"

"…"

"Ahh…this is…amazing…"

"Hn."

"I didn't know that you could do this, and make it so good…"

"Practice makes perfect."

Outside, Naruto and the others were stunned. The Uchiha, the human ice cube was… AND THAT TOO WITH SAKURA! They were all too stunned to move.

"Wait, let me try…"

"Sakura…"

"So? How was it?"

"Terrible."

"WHAT? AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE I GO TO, YOU JUST- Ahh…SASUKE-KUN STOP DISTRACTING ME!"

"You're cute when you're flustered."

"I DON'T CAR- Wait, what?"

"You moan in bliss every time I-"

"Sasuke-kun…"

"Hn."

"WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT? Ahh, not again…"

"You seem to be enjoying it…"

"OKAY THAT IS THE FINAL STRAW, UCHIHA, NO MORE SE-"

At this moment, Naruto couldn't control himself. He jumped up into the air, screaming at the top of his lungs, "TEME AND SAKURA-CHAN ARE FINALLY TOGETHER!" The rest of them rolled their eyes at his antics, but then took a step back, stunned, as Naruto rushed through and banged the door open.

_He truly was the number one ninja in surprising people._

They cringed as they gingerly followed him inside, praying that they wouldn't see something that they'd regret… But with Uzumaki Naruto, that much was a given…

They followed Naruto's shouts into the kitchen. There, one abashed Uzumaki, one irritated Uchiha, and one beyond annoyed Haruno were standing.

Sasuke was wearing a plain black T-shirt with the Uchiha crest, and blue shorts. His black eyes promised deadly retribution, even without the Sharingan glowing. His expression was that of utmost irritation, as if he just wanted to pull a Chidori on them all. In his right hand was piece of dough, one that he had apparently been molding into the desired round shape. Sakura had a pink tank top and black shorts on, a red and white apron tied around her and a spatula in her hand as she fished the last of the sweets from the deep-fryer. She looked murderous.

Sakura put the spatula down and turned her undivided attention to Naruto. Before she could speak, however, another voice beat her to it.

"What the fuck, dobe?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Erm…what are you two doing…?" He noted with a gulp, Sakura's signature black gloves, lying less than a foot away from her, on the table.

"Cooking."

"YES, THEY ARE USING THE POWER OF YOUTH AND ITS FRAGRANCE TO COOK THEIR WAY THROUGH LIFE!"

"COOKING MY ASS! TEME CAN'T COOK!"

"Did someone mention food?"

"And you won't be able to walk after my Chidori hits you, dobe."

"YOU TWO WERE DOING SOMETHING ELSE!"

"Shut up, mutt."

"YOU SHUT UP, SAI!"

"Do you hear Sai yelling? Now shut the fuck up before I set my bugs on you."

"AHH, NOT SHINO'S BUGS!"

"Tch, you guys are so troublesome."

"Don't say that, Shikamaru-kun, they are bursting with the power of youth!"

"What were you about to say, Sakura, before this troublesome idiot started screaming?"

"I was going to tell Sasuke to stop serving me the dumplings. He kept shoving them into my mouth."

"I didn't hear you complain…"

"Shut up, Sasuke-kun

"What were you cooking, ugly?"

"Sweets, and if you call me ugly again, I'll send you halfway to the moon."

"I like sweets…but I like chips more."

"LIES! UCHIHA HATES SWEETS!"

"Kiba, shut up…"

"TEME, ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH SAKURA-CHAN?"

"Naruto, I would stop talking if I were you."

"But he's not you, Sai, so stop wasting your breath."

"Hn."

"IS THAT A YES OR A NO? CUZ YOU TWO SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE HAVING-"

"Dobe, did Jiraiya teach you that new jutsu?"

"WHAT NEW JUTSU?"

"That new one. It's said to make a ninja's fight easier by half."

"TELL ME PLEASE!"

"It's called… Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut. …no jutsu…"

"…HAHAHAHA! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR, UCHIHA!"

"It was worth it to see the expression on Naruto's face."

"I totally agree Sai. Otherwise it's just too troublesome."

"Sakura, lets just finish the dumplings."

"Whatever Sasuke-kun."

"Hn."

"I KNOW, I GOT IT!"

"I'm going to regret this, but what?"

"TEME'S PREGNANT!"

"…"

"I'm not even going to bother…"

"Naruto, buy some brains to fill that empty space you call a head…"

"WHY? WHAT'S WRONG?"

"Ahh, Shikamaru-kun will explain using the fragrance of youth and life!"

"Damn, this is troublesome. See Naruto, I'll explain it using simple terms. Sasuke, as much as we doubt it, is a guy."

"What. Was. That. Supposed. To. Mean. Asshole?"

"The next troublesome point is that guys cannot have kids."

"The next thing you know, Naruto'll be asking where babies come from."

"Don't encourage him, Sai."

"Honestly, you'd think for someone who has so many Oiroke no jutsus, he'd be more learned about male and female anatomy."

"One can only hope."

"These look yummy."

"TOUCH THE SWEETS AND I'LL CASTRATE YOU!"

"You don't have to be so graphic, Sakura…"

"Chouji was stealing our sweets, Sasuke-kun."

"I'VE GOT THE PERFECT SOLUTION!"

"Oh no…"

"TEME GOT SAKURA PREGNANT AND KNOW THEY'RE COOKING FOR THEIR NEWBORN, UCHIHA NARUTO!"

'_**WHAT THE FUCKING HELL! Oh, now you're in for it…revenge! Payback's a bitch, Naruto… SHANNARO!'**_

'_Shut up, Inner Sakura.'_

'_**Why should I listen to you? SHANNARO!'**_

'_Cuz…and stop saying that…'_

'_**Saying what? SHANNARO!'**_

'_That…'_

'_**Shannaro?'**_

'_Yes…'_

'_**Make me.'**_

'_I will stab myself with a knife if I have to go through your internal drama for five more seconds so I'd hurry up.'_

'…_**Bye, Sakura.'**_

"WHY THE HELL IS IT UCHIHA NARUTO? WHY NOT UCHIHA KIBA!"

"CUZ I'M THEIR BEST FRIEND, RIGHT, SAI?"

"I was thinking more of along the lines of Uchiha Sai…"

"What if it's a girl bursting with the beauty of youth and the fragrance of life?"

"A quick question Lee?"

"Anything for my youthful teammate!"

"What exactly is the fragrance of life?"

"…"

"I want a sweet…but wait…UCHIHA AND HARUNO ARE MISSING!"

"WHAT?"

"WE NEED TO ORGANIZE A SEARCH PARTY!"

"They didn't get kidnapped, Naruto."

"They probably went to the party."

"WHAT PARTY?"

"Hinata's party."

"Why does Hinata-san have a party on this youthful day?"

"…Honestly, Lee, you're almost as bad as Naruto."

"AND. WHAT. DOES. THAT. MEAN?"

"Calm down, Naruto-kun, we mustn't lose the fragrance of life!"

"Why don't we go to the party instead of arguing in Sakura's house?"

* * *

><p>Five minutes later, at the Hyuuga estate, in a garden, the seven shinobi arrive, to find Hinata in a beautiful kimono, looking like a queen on her eighteenth birthday. Sakura and Sasuke were already there, their plate of sweets was on the refreshments table. Naruto, being the idiot he is, made a beeline for Sasuke.<p>

"Ano sa, teme?"

"Go away dobe."

"Okay, but can you answer one teensy weensy question?"

"Hn."

"Is Sakura-chan pregnant with your baby?"

_Sasuke was beyond irritated with the blonde and his stupid questions…_

"Aa. It's a boy, no, we're _not_ naming it Naruto; no, you can't be the godfather; and I'm proposing to her with roses next week, we'll get married on Valentine's Day and live happily ever after with a bunch of grandchildren and you'll be our brother-in-law. Now _go away_."

Naruto went away, his face disbelieving as he heard the words from Sasuke's mouth. _This is too good not to share…_

The next morning, one could find, if they chose to walk on the dewy paths in the youthful hour, inhaling the fragrance of life, a certain arrogant bastard running for his life.

Everyone watched as the high-and-mighty Uchiha, with a terrified face, ran away from a murderous Sakura, her hands covered with gloves and chakra glowing green around her clenched fists.

_And everyone could hear the said pinkette cursing said Uchiha heir to the pits of hell._

* * *

><p>NaCl: Ha! That cracked me up! It's just sooo funny to think about Uchiha running away from Sakura…<p>

Sasuke: (dark aura) Hn…

NaCl: Is that even a word? Hn?

Sasuke: Hn…

NaCl: Quit while you're ahead…

Lil bro: You were ahead? In what? Writing lame ass stories?

NaCl: (ignoring him) By the way, in case you didn't catch the subtle hint, Sasuke was being sarcastic when he told Naruto that Sakura was pregnant…the whole married on Valentine's Day? Can you imagine Sasuke doing that?

Lil bro: A stupid answer for a stupid question…NO!

NaCl: Anyway, I might write a sequel on how Sakura and Sasuke get together…but R&R FOR NOW, PEOPLES!


End file.
